I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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