need another drink. this is the easiest way
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
