She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
