Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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