pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
