Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing