Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.