so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.