So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.