My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
