His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
