i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
wow bdsm is so cute
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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