i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!