also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
