I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
