batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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