remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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