Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
