and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
