As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
