I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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