Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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