Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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