I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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