I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
40s are totally the cure
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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