Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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