im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
