Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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