all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
