At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
