I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
