Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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