ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
