We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the day after is always just damage control
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
