I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
