separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
