Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
