Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
