You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
