The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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