you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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