I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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