Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
