im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
