It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
