Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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