I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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