god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
