i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
