Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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