I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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