I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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