If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
