my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
