Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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