This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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