Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
