Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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