fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's never too late to be topless.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
