I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
