to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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