The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
