There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
