Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
