Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
