the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
